There was a light over the bed that swung gently.  There could have been an earthquake, Kurogane supposed, or else just people walking across the ancient floorboards above them. Ancient like the room they shared with far too many other people for anybody’s liking, the bed Kurogane was laying on, and the rules they lived by in this place. The collar too, distasteful, creaking leather and rusting metal spikes, had to be ancient and he was sure he was not the first to wear it.

Fai slipped his fingers under Kurogane's collar and stroked at the sweat and the pulse there, lingering over angry, raw flesh beneath it. Trying to keep his attention focused on the door, just in case, Kurogane watched Fai from the corner of his eye. Watching Fai's hands slide over his flesh- hot from hours and hours and endless fights, and cold from something like fear and apprehension- and Fai's hands travel ever lower. Feeling their way over nipples and down his sides and over ribs that became more prominent every day. He wondered if Fai was hungry too. Then remembered that it was not food Fai hungered for these days, but him. And those hands were cold too, fingers calloused and his touch leaving a trail of goose bumps.  Kurogane felt himself shiver and hiss and wondered if he was cold or angry or annoyed or glad that it had come to this. 

His hands gripped the thin sheet beneath him, damp and unclean and he didn't want to think about who might have lain on it before, and what might have been done. He knew his back was arching up as Fai’s palms found his waist, and, still, from the corner of his eye, Kurogane could see Fai, hair turned red in the dim light and eyes closed, leaning forward.

At the moment, Kurogane would have given so much to be able to look. To watch. To tell Fai what he wanted. That he wanted this and Fai and to shout and rant that he just damn well wanted to go home without that pang of guilt somewhere in the pit of his stomach that had him wondering if they did ever get back to his world, if he would really abandon it for Fai’s sake.  But anyway, there had been hardly a word between them since that day.  So this was how they spoke to one another now. Through touch and lust and heavy breaths and looks, but Kurogane couldn’t even do that now. There was the door. He had to watch it. Like he always did. To keep others out. To keep Fai out. 

Ancient paint was peeling from the walls, and the lights were dimming, and then Kurogane felt Fai's tongue on his stomach, and knew he wouldn’t have to wait long.

Long fingers dragged down his trousers and Kurogane had to bite back a growl of frustration or maybe pleasure. Because he wanted to have Fai, to take him by the hair and stroke him off, or do this to him, or fuck him into the damned creaky, stained mattress until he was begging for more.

Instead, he breathed, calmed by the door and the paint and the swinging light, and steeled himself for when Fai reached his cock, and he would let him do as he pleased. And he would stay still and he would say nothing. And Fai would say nothing.  He would barely make a sound. Except for afterwards, just sometimes, when Kurogane was beyond exhausted and hungry, he was sure he could hear Fai whispering things that weren't like real speech. Or Fai would lay a hand on his arm or his stomach and it would almost feel like something more.

And imagination really was dangerous, because his mind was now filled with images of Fai and him, him and Fai, watching Fai, fucking Fai, kissing Fai. So lost, so distracted, Kurogane almost gasped at the first touch of Fai's cool tongue on his cock, and hands then kneading at his thighs and round to his arse.

He felt Fai smile against him, and wondered what kind of smile it was this time, and stared at the door and really hoped that no one came in because he wasn't sure he could stand to stop. And would Fai stop? Kurogane wouldn’t put it past him, as something like torture, then Fai could grin in that cold way he had taken to looking at Kurogane when they weren't in bed and maybe that would be fair but Fai was wrapping his mouth around him and his tongue was pressing against him and he was so very very ready to come. Maybe even just thinking about Fai that way, even without the way Fai's hands spread over his bare skin, stretching up to his chest even as he took Kurogane deeper and worked faster.

Hair splayed over his thighs and Kurogane could feel it even if he would not look at it. So this time, just this once, just because he couldn’t see it, Kurogane let one hand grab at Fai's neck and took the free hair, felt its softness and its dampness and let his hand slide along Fai's skull.

At that, Fai's tongue moved faster and his mouth tightened, so much so that Kurogane found it hard to keep silent and soon, too soon, he knew he was coming and couldn't help but thrust up into Fai's mouth and grip possessively at that hair.  He might have closed his eyes and he might have grunted something indiscernible as he came, but no one had come in and Fai hadn’t left.

Fai hadn’t left.

Kurogane wondered why, then remembered he was still clutching Fai’s hair.  Not that Fai was complaining. He could feel, more than he could see, Fai had lain his head on arms folded over Kurogane’s stomach. And was just lying there. Not leaving. And for fear that he would, Kurogane kept his hand where it was.

Watching the door, watching the light, listening to the muffled sounds of the world beyond because there was only silence here, Kurogane had no idea what to do.  If this meant something, if this was Fai’s way of trying to tell him something. Or maybe it was just something like hair hostage-taking and Fai was graciously, unfathomably, acquiescing to some new perversion of Kurogane’s.

Kurogane wondered if Fai might acquiesce to other things too.

His father had always told him that you couldn’t achieve anything if you didn’t try, and no matter how dangerous that might be, or how disturbing it was to think of his father at a time like this, it wasn’t like he could really make their relationship any worse than it already was.

So Kurogane did what he promised himself (and maybe Fai too, in some weird, unspoken way that involved sex and distance) he would never do. He looked.  Turned his head. Looked away from the door, and down at Fai, and all he saw was the top of Fai’s head, which really shouldn’t have surprised him, but he’d expected more. It didn’t really matter though because Fai’s hands and arms went still on his stomach as though Fai had stopped breathing. 

He waited, and when nothing happened except that Fai went back to breathing, if a little more quickly than before, Kurogane brought his free hand up from the bed and laid it on Fai’s shoulder.  There was a moment then when Kurogane was sure Fai would shrug him off, and he wondered if maybe he should be considering those spikes of Fai’s collar that hung so close to him stomach.  Except that Fai only took in a deep breath and spread his fingers wider against Kurogane’s skin.

It might have been a warning, or it might have been an invitation, or maybe it was just indifference, but Kurogane felt as though he was onto something here so let go of Fai’s hair- to see if he’d bolt- and when he didn’t he let his hand sift through Fai’s thin hair.  At that Fai shifted, turning his head so it was difficult for Kurogane to get at his hair, but instead Kurogane just ran his fingers down Fai’s face, to Fai’s mouth, and traced along the line of Fai’s dry lips.   

For a moment he could feel Fai’s breath against his hand, then Fai was pushing himself up on Kurogane’s stomach, and for a moment he looked Kurogane straight in the eye, squinting oddly with nothing to cover his empty eye, but with no smiles nor coldness. Just blank, which was a marked improvement Kurogane decided and looked back with as much disinterest and boredom as he could muster.  Fai shrugged, and made to sit up, but instead Kurogane grabbed Fai’s arms and pulled him up so that Fai ended up sprawled against his chest, back arching so that he did not impale Kurogane with his collar.

Fai was still looking at him, hands pressed against Kurogane’s shoulders and they were so close Kurogane could almost feel Fai’s breath again. He took Fai’s hair again, and Fai’s lips curled into what could be called amusement. Kurogane returned the look in kind, and reached his other hand between them, grabbing Fai’s cock, which elicited a sudden intake of breath and a raised eyebrow.  Gently trailing fingers up and down and up again, Kurogane twisted so that they both lay on their sides, Fai’s eyes closed now and lips parted slightly, and Kurogane could get a better hold and took Fai in his fist and stroked him like he’d wanted to for weeks or maybe months or was it more now?  Whatever, he pulled a handful of hair towards his face and smelled it, seeing Fai’s eyes open slightly and watch him, even as his pale cheeks seemed to redden and come alive- like they hadn’t known life in an age- and sweat beaded his face and slicked his hand.

One more stroke, two, three and Fai’s breath was thick and he pushed himself into Kurogane’s hand.  It was then that Fai took hold of Kurogane’s arm and held on like he might fall off the bed- or the planet- surprising Kurogane, he lost his rhythm and Fai’s eyes opened wider and flashed with lust and perhaps irritation, thrusting harder at Kurogane’s fist.  He picked up the pace, stretching his other hand back to stroke at the back of Fai’s neck as a peace offering. Then Fai was squeezing his eyes shut tightly and, breathing so fast he was almost panting, Kurogane could feel Fai come over his hand and his stomach and over Kurogane’s own cock.

He watched as Fai pressed into Kurogane’s hand two last times before stilling, the hand gripping his arm loosening but not falling away and Kurogane’s hand still resting at Fai’s neck.  They stayed like that, but not for long, because someone might come back and there was no one to watch the door anymore. But as they lay there Kurogane wondered if they would do this again, if maybe next time he might chance touching his lips to Fai’s skin, if maybe sometime they might kiss, and wondering what Fai was wondering.