A quiet afternoon in the Honkey Tonk.  The Master, Paul, is reading the newspaper.  Natsumi and Reena are wiping down tables.  Shido and Madoka sit at the counter talking about Mozart’s recent anti-flee treatments.  Kazuki, Juubei and Toshiki sit in a booth having an amusing conversation about marbles.  Ban and Ginji are sitting in another booth drinking coffee and talking quietly.

[Ginji asks a question]

“Ban-chan?”

“What is it?”

“What do you want for your birthday?”

[Pointed silence]

“I know we don’t have any money but I should get you something so…”

“So?”

[Pleadingly]  “Can I have some money?”

[Incredulous]  “What?  You want to buy ME a present with MY money?”

[Annoyed]  “It’s my money too!”

[Sarcastic]  “Don’t know where you got that idea.”

“Hey, I earned that money!  Now give!”

“You didn’t do anything.  And I will not ‘give’.”

“Did too!  It’s not like I’m asking for much…”

“It’s not like we have much...”

“BAN-CHAN!  It’s to get something for you!”  [whimper whimper]

“Um…”  [Ban looks suspicious, almost guilty.]

“Ban-chan, don’t tell me there’s nothing left!”

“Well…”

[Angry and sparking.  Other customers turn briefly to see what all the commotion is about.]  “How could you spend it all?!  Now we won’t be able to do anything special for your birthday!”

[Shrugs nonchalantly and gives other customers looks clearly telling them to mind their own business.]  “Meh.  I can think of a few things we could do…”  [Mischievous grin]

“Without money?”

“Oh yes…”

[Curious]  “What?”

[Grinning madly]  “What we did last night.”

“But that isn’t something special.”

[Agitated]  “What’s THAT supposed to mean.”

“I mean it’s not something different.”

“Are you saying I’m not exciting in bed?”

“Eh?”

“Sounds to me like you are questioning my amazing sexual prowess!”

“That’s not…”

“And calling me boring!  Me?  Boring?  In bed?!”

[Loudly] “YOU’RE WRONG BAN-CHAN! YOU ARE GREAT IN BED!” [Other customers, Master and waitresses look at the duo in shock.]

[Long uncomfortable silence.]

[More silence.]

[Silence broken by sound of bell tingling as door opens.]

[Enter Hevn, breasts bouncing happily.  Hevn surveys the scene before her with interest.]

[She asks]  “What happened?”

[Paul speaks]  “Ginji just told Ban he was good in bed.”

[Hevn is nonplussed]  “Then what’s with all the surprised faces?  We all knew they were doing it.”

[Ban looks at Hevn]  “Eh?”

“Ban-kun, you can’t seriously be saying you two were trying to hide it?”

[Ban’s chin hits the floor.  Ginji speaks up, seeing as his partner seems temporarily incapable of replying.]  “I thought we were discreet…”

[Juubei scoffs]  “You call that discreet?”

“Well we…”  [Ginji trails off]

[Ban regains his power of speech (unfortunately, some might say).  He shouts at Juubei, shaking his fist threateningly.]  “What the fuck!  It’s not like you two…sorry, three, are very ‘discreet’ either!”

[Juubei replies calmly]  “We were not trying to be.”

[Toshiki is perplexed]  “We weren’t?”

[Kazuki puts a hand over Toshiki’s and smiles at him.]  “You are so sweet, Toshiki!”

[Toshiki continues to look perplexed.]

[Hevn is cooing by the bar now.]  “That’s so cute!  You three are adorable…”

[Ban interrupts in a low voice]  “Fangirl.”

[Hevn ignores him.]  “But if you all knew then what were you all so surprised about?”

[Natsumi speaks up, embarrassed]  “I didn’t know.”

[Reena speaks]  “Me neither.”

[Hevn sighs]  “Is there anyone else who didn’t know?”

[Shido raises his hand. Everyone looks at him.]

[Madoka speaks]  “Shido-san just put up his hand, didn’t he?”  [Murmured assents from the assembled cast.  Madoka shakes her head in disbelief.]  “And I’m supposed to be the blind one…”

[Juubei adds]  “I second that.”

[Hevn speaks, exasperated now]  “Okay, so now we’ve established who did and who didn’t know that those two were getting it on, would someone who did know explain to me what the shock was about.”

[Kazuki answers]  “Well the thing is, Toshiki, Juubei and I always thought Midou-kun would not be very good in bed.”

[Ban’s chin hits the floor again.  Ginji speaks awkwardly] “You guys have discussed…us?”

“Of course, Ginji-san.  We only wanted what was best for you and we certainly didn’t think it was with someone like…him.”  [Kazuki looks pointedly at Ban.  Ban scowls back.]

“Kazu-chan!  That’s a bit harsh!  You guys just don’t get to see what he’s really like.  That’s all.”  [Eyebrows are raised in interest]

[Kazuki is intrigued]  “Oh yes?”

[Hevn sits down next to Ginji and looks at him expectantly.]  “Go on, Gin-chan.”

[Ban is unimpressed with the way the conversation is going.]  “Now hang on a minute…”

[Hevn interrupts]  “Shut up, Ban-kun.  Ginji is about to tell us what you’re really like.  Maybe it’ll make other people like you more.”

[Ban is getting slightly pissed off.]  “Like I care!  Ginji, don’t you dare say anything!”

[There is a tense atmosphere in the café.  Ban is glowering at Ginji whilst the rest of the cast look at him hopefully.]

[Silence.]

[There is the sound of a bell tinkling as the door opens again.]

[Enter Akabane.  He stops suddenly on the threshold and breathes deeply.]

“My, my.  What a wonderful atmosphere.  What is going on?” 

[Akabane goes and stands beside Hevn.]  “Why ever is everyone looking at you, Ginji-kun?”  [Sinister chuckle.]  “It’s enough to make me jealous!”

[Ginji is sweating and Ban is attempting to restrain himself from hitting Akabane.  He balls his fist.]  “Akabaneee…”

[Hevn intervenes]  “Gin-chan was just about to tell us what kind of person Ban-kun really is.”

[Akabane is intrigued]  “Oh?  Is that so?  Well I would very much like to hear this, Ginji-kun.”  [Akabane squeezes in next to Hevn.  Ginji is starting to feel claustrophobic.]

“Um...”

[Ban growls warningly]  “Ginji...”

[Exasperated] “But Ban-chan!  I’m only going to say what a great person you are!  And how you are so kind and gentle and you always let me nibble your...”

[Ban cries]  “GINJI!!”  [Rest of cast let out a frustrated sigh of disappointment.]

[Paul speaks up]  “Is this kind of talk really suitable for the girls?”  [Indicates towards Natsumi and Reena.]

[Natsumi is defensive]  “No, it’s fine.”

[Reena nods emphatically]  “Call it life education.”

[Hevn speaks again]  “So anyway, you were saying...”

[Ginji pales. Stuttering]  “Well, Ban-chan always...makes me happy.”

[Akabane raises an eyebrow.]  “Oh?  I would have seen Ban-kun as the type to be more concerned with his own pleasure.”  [Nods and murmurs of agreement from the ensemble.]

[Ginji is getting confused.]  “That’s not what I meant...”

[Kazuki speaks]  “So he is a selfish lover.”  [Turns to Toshiki and Juubei.]  “I knew it!”

[Ginji bursts out]  “No, it’s not like that!  I said Ban-chan was good in bed didn’t I?!”

[Shocked silence.  Again.]

[Ban is incredulous]  “What is this?!  You’d think Ginji was telling you all something unbelievable!”

[Hevn is a little sympathetic]  “Well it kind of is, Ban-kun.”

“Wha...?  What makes you think I’m so terrible to sleep with?!”

[Kazuki answers]  “You’re so cold, Midou-kun.”

[Madoka adds]  “And kind of mean to Ginji-san.”

[Natsumi agrees]  “You are always hitting him, Ban-san.”

[Hevn joins in]  “You never say anything nice to him.”

[Reena speaks]  “You steal his food.”

[Juubei speaks]  “And you don’t protect him.”

[Akabane speaks]  “You never read Ginji-kun poetry.”

[A disbelieving silence descends upon the room.]

[Paul remarks]  “There really have been a lot of pregnant silences today.”

[Ban shakes his head.  He looks at Akabane.]  “And you would?”

[Akabane smirks]  “Of course!  Poetry is vital to love.”

“Love.”

“Of course.”

“Riiiiight.”

[Ginji is trembling with fear now.]  “Ban-chan...”

[Ban scoffs.]  “Don’t look at me for help.  I don’t protect you, remember?”

“I never said that!”

[Ban huffs moodily and mumbles]  “Didn’t hear you defending me much though.”

“Sorry...”

[Hevn perks up]  “Well we’ve heard what Ban is like in bed (sort of), so Ban, what’s Ginji like?”

[Ban is surprised]  “Eh?”

[Natsumi is enthusiastic]  “Good point, well made, Hevn-san!  Ban-san, what is Ginji like?”  [Entire room looks at Natsumi.]

“What?  I can’t be interested too?!”  [Cast looks at Ban.]

[Kazuki speaks]  “Well?  You were all about speaking up earlier.  What’s wrong now?”

“Earlier you weren’t asking me if Ginji was a good lay.”

[Hevn grimaces]  “Crass as ever, Ban-kun.”

[Ban is sarcastic]  “Ask a crass question, get a crass answer, Hevn.” 

[Reena speaks]  “So you won’t tell us?”

[Madoka speaks]  “He can’t be that bad, surely!”

[Shido is incredulous]  “Madoka!”

[Madoka shrugs.]  “What?”

[All eyes turn to Ban again.  Ginji is looking at him fearfully.  Ban sighs dramatically.]

“Fine.  Ginji is good in bed too.  Are you happy now?”  [Ginji smiles broadly.  Hevn is disappointed.]  “Not really.”

[Natsumi is getting all excited again.]  “We want DETAILS!”  [Cast, with exception of Ban and Ginji, turn to Natsumi.]

[Paul laments]  “I knew this would not be good for them.”

[Ban and Ginji are looking starry-eyed at each other.]

“Oh Ban-chan!”

“Ginji!”

“Ban-chan, I’m sorry my friends were so mean to you.  Please let me make it up to you!”

“As long as I have you, Ginji, I don’t care what they say!”

“Oh Ban-chan, you can be on top tonight!”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, Ginji!  I must prove to you I am not mean and heartless!”

“You don’t need to prove anything to me, Ban-chan.  Please.  I insist!”

“I couldn’t possibly...”

[Slightly less starry-eyed.]  “Take me!”

[Slightly annoyed.]  “No, damn it!  You take ME!”

“I offered first!”

[More annoyed.]  “And I refused.  Do as I say, dammit!”

[Also annoyed.]  “I will NOT do as you say!  I am not your damn lap dog...well...not like that...Anyway, you WILL take me or I will fry you!”

“You wouldn’t DARE!  And you know I could MAKE you to take me!”

[Silence.  Ban coughs and stands up.]

“Shall we go find us a job, Ginji?”

[Ginji stands up too and indicates for Akabane and Hevn to let him out of the booth.]

“Sure.”

[Exit Ban and Ginji.  No one in the café speaks for a very long time.]